




So you want to be a famous housewife on the Bravo network. You dream of living the life of a celebrity without actually not having any talent or anything special for that matter. The series was reality show loosely based on the desperate housewives. It basically follows around women that have no clue of a normal life.
The first set of housewives were the real housewives of Orange County. The show became wildly popular. The series branched off into several more cities including New York, New Jersey, Atlanta and Miami.
In honor of one of my guilty pleasures I am going to teach you how to become a real housewife. Remember this the beginning of a series of how to turn your boring life into something fabulous by using your imagination.
1. Make sure you marry a rich man.
This is one of the keys to unlock the door to housewife heaven. Plastic surgeons are a way up on the list. Bankers, entrepeneurs , and real estate gurus. Throw in a little “old school” money and you are ready to rock.
2. Have perfect teeth.
I cannot stress this enough. You must sport a mouth full of teeth that shine so that it blinds everyone that comes into you world.
3. Have plastic surgery which includes botox, breast augmentations, nose jobs and lip injections.
When your are married to a plastic surgeon this is certainly not a problem. A couple of the women have the huge lips make them look like a blow fish. Now, one must remember that when you get the botox injections you will not be able to look surprised anymore. Breast augmentations must be a very large size. They must be replaced every ten years. Remember, you must show off so much cleavage that other peoples eyes will bug out at the sheer site of them.
4. When you go out in public it is extremely important to act like white trash. Even though you have gobs of money.
Let’s face it you will get into many cat fights. It is reality television. It is ok to call people a bitch. You are more than welcome to flip tables in a fine dining restaurant. You can expect to have your very expensive wig or extensions pulled during one of these cat fights. Of course, alcohol will be available at all of these outings and it is perfectly normal to be drunk and belligerent at all functions.
5. Have absolutely no talent but shamelessly promote yourself. If you are really lucky you can launch a clothing line, makeup, cocktails or launch your singing career.
It does not matter if you have never even though you have absolutely no talent. For the most part you will most probably end up divorced in the long run. You can begin a singing career and even produce a record even though you sound horrible and you don’t even have to stand in line like those bozos at American Idol.
Now, go into your happy place. You can do it. Just think about the perks of being a housewife take some of my above suggestions. You will not regret it.
Forever my lovelies,
Miss Stacy Blaise